Navigating Overwhelm: Why Listening to Our Body Is More Powerful Than Forcing Calm

A parent I’ve been working with recently shared a story during one of our therapy sessions that really highlights something so fundamental about how we experience stress and overwhelm—not by forcing calm but by learning to listen to the nervous system and what it’s asking for.

She found herself in the thick of it, as so many parents do, with demands stacking up, kids needing attention, the usual chaos of life pulling her in all directions. In the past, her default would have been to either snap or completely shut down—her fight-or-flight response taking the reins, pushing her to react or retreat. But this time, something different happened. Instead of pushing herself to stay calm, she listened to the energy building in her body, knowing that it wasn’t about remaining composed, but about finding a way to honour the stress she was feeling.

Here’s the thing about the fight-or-flight state—it’s not just about reacting emotionally. It’s a mobilizing state. When we’re in fight or flight, our body is filled with mobilizing energy. It's like our system gets pumped full of fuel, ready to move, ready to act. Our heart rate increases, our muscles tense, everything gets geared toward doing something—whether that’s running away from a perceived threat (flight) or standing our ground and confronting it head-on (fight). This is why it’s so important to understand that when you’re in that state, it’s not helpful to try and force calm or stillness. The energy has to go somewhere. It’s not about calming down in that moment; it’s about finding ways to release that energy. Breathwork, movement, grounding—these are all ways we can help the nervous system discharge that pent-up energy in a healthy, supportive way.

But what really complicates things is when we find ourselves in a blended state—like the freeze state. Freeze is such a tricky one because it’s this paradoxical mix of two self-protection responses that leaves us feeling completely stuck. It’s part of the shutdown response, where the body feels immobilized, almost like it’s shutting down to protect itself. But at the same time, there’s a part of us that’s still mobilized—a part of us that has that fight-or-flight energy, but it’s trapped. It’s like having the engine revving, but the brakes slammed on at the same time. You’re flooded with all this energy, but you can’t move it. So, you’re stuck, both mobilized and immobilized, all at once.

And that stuckness can be maddening. You’re feeling all the tension and urgency of fight or flight, but your body is also holding you back, almost like it’s frozen in place. In this blended state, the challenge isn’t just about getting out of overwhelm—it’s about learning how to move through both parts of the experience. It’s why someone in a freeze state might feel so agitated yet paralyzed, stuck in the discomfort of wanting to act but unable to. And it’s why the tools that help us move through freeze look different than what we might use for other states. We need to both acknowledge the stuckness and find gentle ways to mobilize ourselves again, without adding more pressure or judgment.

What I loved about this client’s story is how she allowed herself to recognize which state she was in without trying to immediately fix or control it. She felt the mobilizing energy in her body—the rush of stress—and knew that her nervous system was calling for movement, for release. She didn’t tell herself to calm down or suppress the experience. Instead, she used her breath to anchor herself just enough to connect with her partner and co-regulate. This wasn’t about erasing the stress or forcing herself to be calm. It was about letting that mobilizing energy move through her in a way that felt manageable, giving herself the space to come back to a place of connection and safety.

This is where the real work lies—not in striving to avoid these states or stay perfectly regulated all the time, but in learning to respond to our nervous system with compassion and awareness. We aren’t meant to always be calm. Stress is inevitable, and our nervous system is built to handle it. What matters is how we move through it—how we allow that mobilizing energy to be released in a way that feels safe, and how we respect the times when we’re stuck in that blended state, finding gentle ways to coax ourselves out of that stuckness.

It’s about learning to be with ourselves in those moments of overwhelm, not by pushing through or shutting down, but by recognizing the body’s signals, honouring the state we’re in, and offering ourselves the right tools to metabolize that stress energy. And when we do this—when we really listen to what our body is telling us—we give ourselves the opportunity to find our way back to balance, not by forcing it, but by allowing it to happen naturally.

Understanding Sensory Seeking Behaviour

One of the most profound aspects of my work as a therapist has been the privilege of witnessing families navigate the complexities of raising neurodivergent children. Over the past 13 years, I’ve had the opportunity to sit alongside caregivers, children, and entire family systems as they find their way through unique challenges and moments of deep connection. It’s humbling work, really. Time and again, I’ve seen caregivers striving to understand their children—particularly when it comes to things like sensory processing, which can be such a puzzling and overwhelming part of the parenting journey.

One topic that comes up frequently in my practice is sensory-seeking behaviour. For many neurodivergent children (and grownups), their need for sensory input seems endless—whether it’s constant movement, touching, making noise, or seeking intense visual or tactile experiences. These behaviours can be confusing, sometimes frustrating, but they’re not just “acting out.” They’re ways in which these children are engaging with the world, finding their balance, and expressing what they need.

What is Sensory Seeking?

Sensory-seeking behaviour happens when a child craves more sensory input than their environment naturally provides. These children are constantly in search of extra stimulation—whether through touch, movement, sound, or sight—because their sensory systems don’t seem to register input as strongly as others might. For many kids, jumping, spinning, fidgeting, or making loud noises is their way of feeling more at home in their bodies and surroundings.

As a caregiver, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed by this need for constant input. I often sit with parents who are exhausted, worried, or simply bewildered by their child’s behaviour. But once we start exploring sensory seeking together, we begin to see that these behaviours are not something to “fix” or stop; rather, they’re ways for the child to manage how they’re experiencing the world (creating some safety for themselves).

Supporting Your Sensory Seeker

Supporting a sensory seeker doesn’t mean trying to curb or control their need for input—it’s about creating environments and routines that offer them what they need. This can feel like a daunting task at first, but with time, it often becomes second nature. Here are some thoughts I’ve gathered from sitting with families who’ve worked through this together:

1. Curating a Sensory Menu

One of the best ways I’ve seen caregivers support their children is by creating an intentional “sensory menu.” This is a set of sensory-rich activities that you can offer throughout the day to give your child the input they need. Think of it like a menu with different options—some more stimulating, others more soothing—that can be chosen depending on what your child needs in that moment.

A sensory menu might include activities like:

Jumping on a trampoline or bouncing on a therapy ball

Playing with textured materials like kinetic sand or slime

Swinging in a sensory swing

Using weighted blankets or offering deep-pressure activities (like firm hugs)

It’s about having these sensory options available and offering them regularly. You might notice that your child benefits from certain activities more at specific times of day—after school, before meals, or during transitions—and by curating a menu of these experiences, you can help meet their needs in a thoughtful way.

2. Create Opportunities for Movement and Exploration

I’ve noticed that sensory seekers thrive when they’re given the freedom to move and explore in ways that feel good to them. Often, caregivers express frustration when their child can’t sit still during meals or homework (or our sessions), but offering movement breaks or fidget tools can be a game-changer.

For example, during seated tasks like homework or mealtime, consider allowing your child to use a therapy ball or fidget toy. Offering frequent movement breaks, such as a few minutes of running, jumping, or spinning, can also help them feel more engaged in what they are doing.

3. Balancing Sensory Input

While sensory seekers crave more stimulation, it’s also important to offer ways to bring them back to a quieter, more settled state when they’ve had enough. I’ve often talked with caregivers about the need to balance high-energy, stimulating activities with more grounding ones. Otherwise, sensory seeking can sometimes lead to overstimulation, making it hard for the child to transition to quieter tasks.

Simple activities like gentle rocking, deep-pressure (through a weighted blanket or firm squeezes), or creating a peaceful space with soft lighting can help ease the sensory overload after periods of intense stimulation. These moments are a way for the child to pause, in their own way, before diving back into the sensory-rich world.

4. Observe and Learn from Your Child

I’ve learned that, as caregivers, we become the greatest students of our children. Each child has their own unique sensory profile, and by paying close attention to their behaviours, we start to see patterns. When does your child seem to seek more input? Is it after school, during meals, or when they’re transitioning between activities?

One thing I’ve witnessed in many families (mine included) is how much shifts once we begin to observe these patterns closely. It’s less about reacting in the moment and more about anticipating our child’s needs before they become overwhelmed.

5. Using Sensory Tools

There are many sensory tools that can help your child engage with the world without becoming too overwhelmed. I’ve seen children thrive with fidget toys, chewable necklaces, or noise-cancelling headphones that allow them to navigate their day with a bit more comfort.

These tools are small adjustments, but they can make everyday situations—like going to the store or sitting through a class—much more manageable. It’s about finding what works for your child and offering them choices that help them feel more at ease.

6. Empowering Your Child

As I’ve watched children grow, I’ve seen how empowering it can be when they start to recognize their own sensory needs. I’ve sat with families where children gradually learn to ask for a sensory break or know when they need to spin, jump, or fidget. This awareness doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s incredible to see when it does.

Offering choices and helping your child understand what helps them can build a sense of self-awareness that they’ll carry with them. It’s about giving them the tools to meet their own needs as they grow.

Final Thoughts

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to supporting a sensory seeker. I’ve had the privilege of witnessing so many families create beautiful, flexible environments that reflect their child’s unique needs. It takes time, patience, and a lot of trial and error, but with observation and understanding, you can help your child navigate the world in a way that feels good to them.

I’m continuously in awe of the caregivers I’ve worked with—how they show up for their children and the deep, often quiet, dedication they bring to the everyday work of raising their kiddos. It’s a humbling process to witness, and I feel grateful to be a part of these journeys in whatever way I can.